Redefining Sexy

It's been a long time, I know, and I'm so ready to back into this thing.

So, let's get started.

Sunday night I went to the Mercy Me concert with Jordan, and it was a truly incredible concert. They were so fantastic. If you ever get the chance to see them, DO IT. Seriously, they blew me away.

Well, as I walked into the dorm after the concert, ironically, the lobby TV right outside of my room was turned on the VMAs with no one watching. I was about to turn it off when, to my dismay, Miley Cyrus's performance began. She was climbing out of a huge teddy bear, dressed in a teddy bear one-piece leotard outfit (I'm honestly not even sure what to call it...), sticking her tongue out and trying to be "sexy." But it was not anywhere near "sexy" in my book, the only word I can think of to describe it is disturbing. At first, I was angry. I knew that girls in their early teens still look up to her and think of her as their Hannah Montana idol, and that they would be watching this performance and probably imitate and adopt many of these behaviors in their desire to be "sexy." Then, in that thought process, I got very sad. And I still am. Sad that so many girls watched that performance and thought that stripping and wearing a nude bikini, performing extremely explicit, sexual dances on a married man with children, basically masturbating in public, and looking like a stripper is "sexy." In my opinion, none of that is sexy... at all. She pretty much came out on that stage and made a fool of herself, gave up all modesty and mystery as to what her body looks like, and not only made it okay for people to objectify her, but to objectify all women and girls. Our society wonders why there are increases in the pornography industry, why rape is becoming more and more common, and why so many young girls are getting involved with drugs, alcohol, and many end up committing suicide. The objectification of women is a great factor in these situations! Not to say that this kind of behavior is necessarily the cause of any of these results, but it certainly plays a factor and doesn't help! Rape is a disgusting act by disgusting human beings, pornography is an industry that seeks to make money at all costs, the abuse of alcohol and drugs can be caused by many different things, and suicide can also be greatly caused by psychological and psychiatric problems.... but this kind of behavior certainly has an effect and an influence on these situations, causing women to feel inferior and seek attention and causing men to lose value for women and girls. It trains our brains to be desensitized to this kind of exposure and to see it as being "okay" or "normal," along with the feelings and views it instills in our minds.

The objectification of women is a huge factor in why these things are becoming bigger and bigger problems. Pop culture has made it okay to treat women like meat, and we encourage it! Miley Cyrus did all of those things because she desperately wanted attention... and boy did she get it. There were 306,000 tweets per second about her during that performance. And what I hate the most, is that I tweeted during it! Do you think she reads all of the negative feedback? No! All she cares about is the numbers! And she definitely got what she wanted. 

Pop culture continues to encourage women to "break the mold," to be innovative and creative, and to be "sexy." That's what she was trying to do, just like Madonna, Britney, and Lady Gaga. 

In the song that Miley performed, she talks about getting a line of Cocaine in the bathroom. In her music video, she dances the same way as her performance, she is clearly encouraging drug and alcohol abuse, and she ends it by laying on top of a half naked passed out man and kissing his chest. 

I don't know if Miley Cyrus actually does any of these things in real life... if I had to guess, I would say she probably doesn't, at least not to the extent that she did in this video. What is sad is that so many girls and women will think that this is what it takes to be cool and to have fun, and they will do these terrible things. And that's how they end up dead, in jail, raped, overdosed, hurt, beaten, and miserable. But Miley Cyrus isn't thinking about the influence she's having on these girls... she's thinking about all of the tweets she can get, all of the downloads she can get, all of the views she can get, and simply how much attention she can get. She is trying to be "sexy" in a way that will get her the most attention.

So it's time to redefine sexy. 

"Ashton" Kutcher makes a great speech in the following link, and I would highly encourage you to watch it before proceeding...

Kutcher's Speech

He says that the sexiest things in the world are being incredibly smart, thoughtful, and generous. And I agree! I wasn't really a fan of him before, especially with his run on Two and a Half Men and such, but I absolutely loved his speech. Those same teens who saw Miley Cyrus make a complete and utter fool out of herself, hopefully also heard this speech.

Sexy isn't about showing off all of your assets, dancing like a stripper, singing about doing Cocaine, or masturbating in front of millions of people. Sexy is about intelligence, confidence, modesty, and so much more than just your looks, your body and what you do with it.

I love what Emma Watson has to say about sexiness...

“I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder.”

So true  (even if she totally had to hide all of her thoughts on this in the back of her mind for a couple of her latest roles- but ultimately speaking out about how she hated it and proving how those things do not make anyone happy). Emma Watson was declared the most beautiful woman in 2012, and that's for many reasons. Yes, her face and body are stunning, but her personality is beautiful, and she is the right kind of person to influence young women everywhere.

Sexiness is being hard working, intelligent, modest, thoughtful, generous, truthful, kind, respectful, mysterious, confident, faithful, sweet, caring, selfless, dignified and so much more.

Proverbs 31 really captures what a woman should truly be, and for years I have always wanted to be like this woman, and I'll probably strive to be for the rest of my life.

^10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

She is incredible. She is everything I want to be and more. I pray that someday I can be half of the woman that she is.

But what I want more than anything for myself is for the girls and women of America, and really all over the world, to dream of being and strive to be this woman. For them to desire to be valued, appreciated, and to be as good of a person as they can be.

Sure, it's nice to curl your hair nicely, do your make up to accentuate your favorite features about yourself, and wear clothes that you feel beautiful in... but outer beauty is also limited. It's not something that makes you a better person, it's not something that will make people like you more (or, at least it really shouldn't be), and it's not something that will make you feel any better about your life. 

Being like the woman in Proverbs, doing the things that Ashton (or Chris) Kutcher encouraged, and just doing what you really think is right will ultimately make you happier than being "sexy" ever will. 

I just hope and pray that soon, our society will turn the direction around and realize that modest is hottest! 

Because, honestly, the world right now really scares me. I'm afraid of the direction it's going in, especially knowing that someday I will probably have daughters, nieces, grandchildren, and more that will be brought into this world. 

The sad thing, really, is that Miley Cyrus is a really beautiful, talented young woman, and if she used her fame for a good purpose, she would probably have an incredibly positive influence on young women everywhere. Hopefully more women like Emma Watson come along and aren't afraid to stand up for the morality, their dignity, and their modesty.

So, as we go forward, let us not give these women like Miley Cyrus what they want- let us stop giving her attention, but rather, let's pray for her and for girls all around the world who see her and are influenced by her. Let's spread the word that sexiness isn't about being objectified, but that beauty is truly gained within, and beauty within is what leads to ultimate happiness.

LJ